


Coffee Creamer Combustion

by chibi_nightowl



Series: Myth-Bats [2]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 06:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7924255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibi_nightowl/pseuds/chibi_nightowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What else do you do with coffee creamer besides put it in coffee?”</p><p>Jason sets his mug on the counter and pulls out his lighter. He lights it and holds it next to the container of creamer and waits.</p><p>Realization dawns in Tim’s brain. “<em>YES.</em> Oh my god, yes!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee Creamer Combustion

Coffee Creamer Combustion

 

Jason slams a carton of _something_ on the counter in front of Tim who’s working on his first cup of coffee of the day. He’s still not firing on all cylinders yet, despite getting a respectable six hours of sleep the night before, so he just stares at it blankly.

“Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey, Replacement.” Jason shakes the carton a bit.

Tim continues to stare blankly, taking another sip of his coffee.

“Seriously? Oh, wait. Is this coffee number one?”

Tim nods.

“Fine. Five minutes.” Jason stalks over to Tim’s cabinet to pull out a second coffee mug and starts heating some water of his own for the tea stash he keeps hidden above Tim’s fridge.

Tim finishes his coffee and pours a second mug. Slightly more alert now, he takes a look at what Jason brought over.

Powdered non-dairy coffee creamer.

“I don’t use this crap in my coffee,” he says.

“He speaks.” Smirking, Jason slips a tea bag into his hot water. “I know. I have other plans for it and thought you’d want to come play too.”

Tim furrows his brow in confusion. He knows he’s not quite fully awake yet, so it’s excusable. “What else do you do with coffee creamer besides put it in coffee?”

Jason sets his mug on the counter and pulls out his lighter. He lights it and holds it next to the container of creamer and waits.

Realization dawns in Tim’s brain. “ _YES._ Oh my god, yes!”

“Thought you’d be on board with this one. I can build it, I just need a place to set it off.” Jason grins wolfishly.

“I can find a place,” Tim says quickly. “Wait, _you’re_ going to build it?”

“Yes. I blow shit up all the time, this will be a piece of cake.”

Tim smacks a hand across his face and sighs. “I’ll bring the freeze guns and fire extinguishers too.”

***** 

The location is remote. Tim looks around, satisfied.

“Wow, I didn’t know a place like this existed this close to Gotham.” Jason starts unloading the black commercial van he got from _somewhere_. Tim didn’t want to explore its origins too closely, knowing Jason’s policy on borrowing equipment.

“There’s always an abandoned quarry around when you need one.”

Jason laughs. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“ _Ttt_. I still don’t know why I’m here.” Damian looks around, scowling. “I have better things to do with my afternoon.”

“Expanding your limited horizons, brat. Now grab those boxes of creamer and bring them over here.”

“Come on, lil’ D. This is going to be fun. I think I know what these two idiots have in mind.” Dick grins.

“What I don’t understand is why this involves powered coffee creamer. This stuff is crap,” Damian complains.

“Agreed,” replies Tim. “And we’re going to show you the one thing it’s really useful for.”

Dick and Damian unload the boxes of creamer while Tim supervises Jason putting the rig together. “Like hell I’m letting you do this all on your own.”

“I’m hurt, baby bird. Right here.” Jason lays a hand over his heart.

“Uh huh. Now hand me that screwdriver.”

The late afternoon sun fades to early evening twilight by the time they’re done.

Damian looks unimpressed. “It’s a vertical cannon made with coffee creamer?”

Jason grins. “Yup. Dickiebird, you really need to get this kid online more often.”

Laughing, Dick replies. “I’m trying!”

Tim walks around the cannon, looking it over, then starts placing cameras in various places. He looks up to the lip of the quarry, a few hundred feet up. “Hey Dick, how quickly can you get a camera up there?”

“Pretty quick. C’mon, Damian!”

Damian scowls some more, but follows his brother.

Jason comes to stand next to Tim and watches the two of them scramble up the quarry wall. “Now I understand why you insisted we come out in costume.”

Tim shrugs. “Plausible deniability too if we get caught.”

“I bet. Not exactly like we can go marching into Central and ask permission to use the Gotham County bomb range.”

Grinning, Tim looks over at Jason. “I thought about it.”

Jason laughs. “I bet you did! I can just imagine the look on Gordon’s face at Red Robin coming in and explaining why he needs the space.”

“It would have been good. Though if I did go that route, I’d have roped Bruce into doing it.”

“Even better.”

Up on the edge of the quarry, Dicks waves an arm, signaling the camera was set up. Tim walks back to the van and pulls out his laptop to check the setup and angles. Liking what he sees, Tim waves back up at Dick. The other two start climbing and rappelling their way down.

Jason peeks at the screen from over Tim’s shoulder. “Recording for posterity?”

“Of course. You know what they say. _If it’s worth doing_ …”

“ _It’s worth overdoing_ ,” Jason finishes with a cheeky smirk.

Dick comes running over, Damian trotting along behind him. “I take it that was the right spot?”

“Yup,” Tim replies, tapping a few keys on his laptop. “I’m all set here. Jay?”

Jason pulls out a flare and his lighter, a huge grin appearing on his face. “I was born ready.”

“You’re not setting that off with your lighter, are you?” Dick asks, a note of concern in his voice.

“Dramatic effect, Dickie,” Jason replies. “The remote’s in my pocket.”

While Jason goes to set the up the flare, Tim takes a quick look around. “I think we should move back.”

“Why?” Damian crosses his arms. “It’s coffee creamer.”

Tim smirks. “You really do need to get online more often. Dick?”

“Come on, little brother. Over there looks good.” Dick pointed to an open area about 30 feet further away. “It’s up wind too.”

Damian mutters crossly to himself as he follows his brothers. Tim ignores him.

Jason comes running up. “Ready.” He pulls out the remote.

Tim nods. “On three.”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.” Jason presses the trigger on the remote.

The flash from the flare is clearly visible, as is explosion of coffee creamer as it clouds up into the air.

“Very impressive,” Damian says sarcastically.

“Wait for it.” Tim and Jason both tell him.

 _WHOOSH_. The coffee creamer lights up, a red and orange fireball rising up into the evening sky, a wave of heat washing over everyone. Black flecks of ash and burned coffee creamer fall to the ground.

“Oh fuck, that’s even better than I thought it’d be!”

“Wow!” Dick cries out.

Tim just grins.

Damian wisely keeps his mouth shut, but Tim catches a look of amazement on his face.

“And that’s how you make powered coffee creamer useful, baby bat,” Jason crows. “What’d’ya think?”

Still watching the falling flecks of creamer dancing through the air, Damian replies, “I think you have way too much time on your hands. But…in some cases, I can see how it can be…diverting."

Dick grins at his brothers. “He liked it.”

**** 

A few days later, Jason shows Roy the recording Tim made of the explosion.

“Damn, you bats have all the fun.”

Jason smirks as he sips from his beer, sprawled out comfortably on his sofa with his feet on the coffee table. “What can I say? We’re a creative bunch.”

Roy scowls as he starts the recording again on his laptop. “Creative my ass, you totally took that from YouTube.”

“Had to try it myself then. Ya know, replicating the results.”

“That is some result. I like the angle looking down at it from the top of the quarry. Tim’s good at editing.”

Jason shrugs. “Tell me something he’s not good at.”

“Getting laid.” Roy laughs. “Seriously though, the next time you guys do something like this, let me know. I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”

“Well,” Jason drawls lazily, “Replacement and I were thinking that quarry would be a good place to try out an exploding water heater…”

**Author's Note:**

> I had to. Just had to. For those of you who have no idea, here's the link to the video on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRw4ZRqmxOc
> 
> I'm also open to suggestions! My only request is that it be from an actual Mythbusters episode to keep with the theme. :)


End file.
